inner voice

As days were passing by, I was getting more and more restless!! ….I was dying to tell her what I felt... But at the same time I was scared!! What would she think about me?? … Would she think I am some flirt? … Would she get angry?? … Would she stop talking to me if I told her??? I was confused! Hundreds of many thoughts were running through my mind!! I didn’t know what to do!! … My heart told me that I should go and talk to her at once!! .. But some how I could not!!! … I was feeling so bloody helpless!! I never felt so helpless before in my entire life. Every time I saw her sitting alone and completing her journal… I sooo wanted to go and tell her… but with every step I took ahead, the fright kept on increasing and finally I said nothing!!

Sometimes I thought I should go and talk to one of her friends about my problem… may be her friends could help me... may be they would tell her what I felt in a more appropriate way. May be making friends with her friends could make my task easier. But then again I used to kill those ideas thinking- that would make me look like a coward!! She would think I don’t have the guts to tell her myself…. And then? Would she ever agree?? Never!!

Sometimes I thought I should make good friends with her first, before telling her. May be ask her out also… umm! May be that would help. Then again I used to put away those ideas thinking that all this would take a lot of time... and then it would be too late!!

It was almost a week now! My helpless days changed into sleepless nights!! I just could not think of anything else… I could not concentrate on anything anymore! I started getting irritated on small-small things!! The happiness from my life had suddenly disappeared!

Then one day I made up my mind!! Enough is enough, I said to myself! I don’t deserve all this! It was not my fault! And what on earth could I do also?? .. I had to face this now! She had to know it some day, so what was the point in hiding? After class as always she was sitting alone on the last bench and completing her journal. I walked right up to her as decided… and with full confidence said, “Megan, I think that’s my parker pen!! U must have taken it by mistake during last Friday’s practicals!”